As pessimistic as it sounds I don’t want happiness to be my intention. First reason being is because when you pick up the stick of happiness the other end of that stick is sadness. So when you march towards that high you are also marching in the opposite direction and taking on sadness. I learnt from Alanis Morisette on Super Soul Sunday that happiness is also a high and coming back down from that is a low. From her I gathered that connection should be our main aspiration.
The second reason is what I was taught by Joyce Meyer on her programme: Enjoy everyday life. When Joyce spoke “Let me tell you if you don’t have peace and you don’t have Joy than you cannot be rich”. These words resounded in me deeply. Because these are the aspects of life I want to concur. If I cannot have both on a daily basis, I want at least the one.
Peace: If I cannot be joyous on a day to day basis I would at least like to be in a state of Zen. Perhaps with no smile on the outside, to remain content and unshaken, especially by what’s going to outside of myself is a goal in itself. I need a peaceful mind in order to go through this wonderland. I just want clean thoughts and not clutter. I want my spirit to take care of itself and really guide me through all my decisions and choices. I want to keep myself as carefree as possible. Not because I want to walk in the world blindly and be oblivious to what’s going on around me, but to not let the unnecessary fear and worry confuse my mind. As Marianne Williamson says in her speech on women and religion: we should be able to “answer to that small voice within and lay it down wherever we are”.
Joy: Joy is deeper than happiness. It’s the consistency of everlasting peace. Pure expressions of real divine serenity would be when this gets the chance to glow on the surface. It said the opposite of Joy is misery, and as we all know ‘Misery loves company’. So instead of having a tea party and inviting more reason to be sorrowful, why not add to joy that same way? When achieved by cementing peace, Joy is unstoppable. Without the stability of peace, joy is rocky.
A memorable conversation that has been playing on my mind recently is that one I had with a therapist several years ago. I had been suggested to by someone who knew me quite a while that I maybe bipolar. Reason for this suggested as stated was because the person who had knew me said to me that I, in the space of a couple of weeks had gone from being happy, then dropping into a low, low mood. At this time, I remember I had no real sense of which I was and had no solidarity and clarity in my emotions. So when I expressed this to my current therapist, the conversation went like this:
Me: I get a bit worried about myself because I do sink sometimes and I find it a challenge getting back up. See someone suggested that I maybe bipolar… Do you think I am?
Therapist: You know Eva, I have known you for this period of time, and I know for sure you don’t show any signs of that. What annoys me is people’s poor lack of mental health education. You, as you picked up on once is that it’s okay not to be okay. I gather that you are just a naturally happy person, who, when you get down, you get down.
Me: That is true; I just worry because down is just too messy.
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