This article is the follow on from: Understanding Addictions: The Pain and Pleasure Part I
Drugs, alcohol and food are quick access addictions. This is because they are available at an arm’s length. There isn’t really much effort in seeking the as we have them within reach and once we have access, there’s no stopping us in how much we have. They are limitless and the product itself will never say no to us – they’ll never deny our company or our consumption.
Same way we move on to: Poisonous relationships
When we run back and forth and essentially play tag with a person whom we feel we are exchanging energy with and not realizing the same bolts we are not getting back are substantially very dangerous. We would rather let ourselves run out of fuel, as long as we are giving and it’s not cool, because eventually that person will walk away full of life whilst we are left gasping for breath.
When we understand love, we know that it is putting another’s happiness before our own.
What we fail to be mindful of is that, that doesn’t mean putting your own emotional, mental and physical health and well being in liability. This does not mean negotiating your own happiness.
When we know that person will always keep knocking and we always open the door and or likewise, the pattern here is more likely to repeat because the word ‘no’, is at bay but not in use. So we struggle to draw a line. The relationship is like a revolving door. Love is not what takes us there, it’s poor self esteem.
Shopping is meant to be an activity that we do for amusement. We exchange money for possessions. Gambling on the other hand, is playing with our money. For a while it can be taken lightly, on the contrary it isn’t. We want that same money back because we received nothing whilst giving it. Doing so misleads us onto the assumption that ‘the more we have, the more we are’. This reward system is set up for failure.
In moderation, we are allowed to savour whatever we please, but we must keep them in fairness. We don’t need an intense hysteria to be able to keep us in high spirits. It just actualizes dependency.
My mother said that once our grandfather, when an advert would pop up on the television about poverty and would ask:
“Who would you feed first the mother or the child”
Most would reply: “The child”
Then he would say it was the wrong answer. He explained a mother’s love is about putting first her baby, but without herself at her healthiest, she would never have to energy to take care of the child and therefore, none would benefit. Strangely, though it sounds selfish, it does make sense.
Addictions are not a win-win situation, when you are putting that before you you’re seeking joy, via abuse.